My first boyfriend stopped loving me because he missed me so much when I was away.
I have chronic body dysmorphia and I’ve tried many therapies to feel better about my body. Therapy is a process of working with a client to make a journey through self-improvement and professional acceptance.
As I continued to utilize therapy, my body image and body image shifts were not as significant as my relationship with my boyfriend and the changes I made through therapy did not make it to his perspective.
He kept explaining to me that he just didn’t think he and I were meant to be together. He mentioned several reasons why he couldn’t see us as being together. He stated that I never did anything for him and he liked me less each day and as time went on he said I was never as interesting as I was to him.
He thought that I was wearing the same items of clothing and shoes, and that things such as my tattoos were not as deep in my heart as he thought I should be.
These statements upset me and affected how I felt about myself. I felt discouraged, unable to fulfill the needs of his needs. I felt as though I was not being worthy of him, his time and love.
When he said I was not as interesting as I was, how could I feel that I could satisfy his needs by any means? How could I satisfy his need for his body to be what he wanted it to be and have no thoughts about my health or wellbeing?
By the second week, I had figured out that we didn’t have a future together because I was too heavy to lose weight.
My first relationship ended when I was about 12 years old. He was about the same age as me and we had spent several months together during a three-year period that started before my second birthday.
He broke up with me the following week after seeing me weigh only 132 pounds.
He didn’t care about me, but I felt as though I had a future with him. After all, he had asked for me at least three times to be his girlfriend.
My body had been changing over the past year and I had struggled with an eating disorder. What we shared together never made it past my thinking, and I eventually had a conversation with him that changed my future.
I expressed my insecurity and concern about my future and my feelings that I didn’t make him happy.
He went into detail about what he had seen and talked about how the image he saw in me versus the image he saw in me didn’t fit. It was very clear to me that he truly felt that our relationship would not lead to happiness for him.
I know there are people out there who know things about themselves that they keep from their partners. I’m thankful for the relationship I had with my father and my mother. But I just don’t see myself the same as they do.
It’s very hard to get to know another person who is similar to yourself without being able to come up with things that you can compare. I have been angry about my current situation for a very long time. I don’t know what I’m missing when I’m not around my boyfriend.
Perhaps my boyfriend will come around, but maybe it’s best that I move on.